I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
