Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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