the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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