you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Enjoy the penises
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
