I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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