I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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