She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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