Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
