he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
