I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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