Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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