I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
