theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
