Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize