i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
