So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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