I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she peed on how many people?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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