Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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