Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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