it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
