Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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