Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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