I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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