i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
sex in a hospital.. check
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
