I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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