I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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