dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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