Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
