I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
