it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
