Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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