my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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