U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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