She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
