oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
