Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
