The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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