I smell stomach acid.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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