just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
