how can u be prego again
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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