So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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