did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
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He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
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White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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