Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
