No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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