I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Every concussion has its silver lining
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I am mentally ready for anal.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
