Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
