dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so let's talk penis.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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