I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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