If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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