Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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