Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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