Quick, to the slutcave!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
