based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
should my penis look like a turkey
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
