It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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