Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
