Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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