i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
