She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
