guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
