Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
