This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
