Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
being pregnant is like rehab
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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