I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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