Porn is love you can see.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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