ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
