So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
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First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
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My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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