And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
