And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
