Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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