Already got asked if we're dating
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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