I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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