my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I licked your asshole in confidence.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
