The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I cockslap morals
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
