I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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