I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
