Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
