I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
